Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We have started to decorate penises.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
