Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
