I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
