how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
