OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
