Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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