there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I love you.
Bad choice
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