Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
