I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
