:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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