Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
