Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
