we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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