it's like iHOP with fire
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
