I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
