it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
