I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
