he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
