google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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