Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
