you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
