I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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