i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
