Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We are two peas in an std pod
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
