Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
