shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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