I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
