you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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