How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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