Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
