I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Dick very happy bro
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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