I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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