Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
