dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
