sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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