Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
