the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
