He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
