Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
