watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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