I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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