He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I forget how to act sober
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