There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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