It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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