If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
