well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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