these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
