All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
