So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I smell stomach acid.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
