My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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